I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
