I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
