she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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