Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
