Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
