Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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