i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
