yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
