Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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