I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
