What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
