So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
