you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
