just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
