Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
