I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
