Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had sex on a roof
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
