So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
