i permit you to call me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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