I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
