Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
