My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
