a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
