my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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