it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
