The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
