Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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