So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
