it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
