false alarm. still invincible.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
