Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
