we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
