What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
