Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
