just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
