i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
