Small penises have feelings too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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