i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
