Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
