put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
