Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
