I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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