Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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