Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
