is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
