so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
