watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
