Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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