I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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