The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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