I wanna bring you to show and tell
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
